Dealing with Life at 3 AM
/by Ken Kelley
I came across an article this morning entitled “How to Stop Thinking About Work at 3 am” written by Rebecca Zucker and found in the December 20, 2019 edition of the Harvard Business Review.
I have seen or heard similar advice many times and in varying forums ranging from general self-help to grief support to raising a family, and I imagine that most of you have seen something similar as well. I’ll use her general outline as a basis for my article today and annotate it based on our current situation and in light of the fact that some of you are bored stiff while others must be pulling out your long hair as you attempt to juggle a job while raising children. Some of you care for a loved one in your home or remotely or just try to deal with the various other responsibilities many of us feel.
Although this article concentrates on sleeping, and many of you have voiced that you have some sleep issues, it applies to good mental health in general as well. Here’s her list:
Make a to-do list. “…making a to-do list for the following day before bed helps you to fall asleep faster — by virtually as much as taking a sleep aid — as well as helps you to wake up fewer times during the night. ...The act of writing down these uncompleted tasks decreases cognitive arousal, rumination, and worry. And if you do wake up in the middle of the night, suddenly remembering a pressing task, keep a piece of paper and pen on your nightstand to capture it so you can let it go from your mind and go back to sleep.”
For those of you bored and looking for something to do or dealing with depression, you might want to compile a list of things that you’d like to accomplish. Make it as simple or complicated as you need right now. Then, if nothing else, accomplish just one thing and pat yourself on the back. Now, while you’re in a better mood, pick up the phone and phone a friend, or communicate with them in some other way -- they need you right now.
Keep a journal. “…In a study of college students who suffered from worrying at bedtime, the group of students who were randomly assigned to journal every night for a week before bed experienced reduced bedtime stress and worry, in addition to improved sleep duration and quality.“
Writing in a journal or other places helps many people release the things they need to get off their chest and move on with life. I have written, but not sent, thousands of emails (a few of them to some of you) to express my frustration, anger, disappointment, or despair in reaction to something someone said or did. Write down your thoughts and feelings. Then, remember that God lives in those we love and like; God also lives in those we’re supposed to love but may never like. Don’t forget to express your gratitude. We’re all blessed in so many ways.
Exercise self-compassion. “...Kristin Neff, author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, describes self-compassion as showing yourself the same kindness, care and concern you would show a good friend. Practicing self-compassion and recognizing that we are all imperfect human beings allows you to break the cycle of negative thoughts and self-judgment that come with rumination, which is linked to several negative effects, including insomnia. Additional research from Texas State University and Sun-yat Sen University reinforced findings that self-compassion reduces stress-related poor sleep.”
(For more on rumination read "Why Ruminating is Unhealthy and How to Stop" and “8 tips to Help Stop Ruminating” on the Physch Central blog.
Live in and with grace toward yourself and others. This article and libraries of books including the Bible mainly focus on this important practice. Living in love with and compassion toward all God’s children and yourself will lead you toward abundant living. Live as God’s child while thinking of others as God’s children. Give them and yourself the grace, love and respect we all deserve as God’s children.
Engage in physical activity. “Research shows that a single instance of moderately intense exercise can decrease the rumination that keeps us up at night. There is also strong evidence that, in general, as little as 30 minutes of aerobic exercise can help us fall asleep faster, and improves sleep quality. Not only does exercise increase the amount of deep sleep we get, it decompresses the mind, which Charlene Gamaldo, Medical Director for the Johns Hopkins Center for Sleep, calls a “cognitive process that is important for naturally transitioning to sleep.” For some people, however, exercising too close to bedtime can interfere with sleep. If you are one of these people, it is recommended to exercise at least one to two hours before bedtime.”
Whatever being physically active means to you, “just do it.” Get up off of your couch, recliner, or desk chair if you are able and get some exercise. Elevate your mood as you elevate your heartrate. Pump up your adrenaline as you release your endorphins and relieve your stress. Which leads us to the last practice, that also releases endorphins and relieves stress.
Practice meditation. “Similar to self-compassion, mindfulness — the practice of being fully present and focusing your attention on thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations without judgment — is also an antidote to the rumination that can keep you up at night. By being fully present in the moment, you are not rehashing past events or worrying about future events. There is ample research on the positive effects of meditation on anxiety and stress….”
An easy way to start-- breathe slowly and concentrate on your breath. Inhale through your nose, and exhale through your mouth. Add a breath prayer— repeat a phrase in your mind. For example, try thinking as you slowly inhale, “Lord Jesus,” then hold your breath and your thought for a few seconds, and as you exhale think, “Thank you for living in me, with me, and through me.” Repeat this 4 times. As you develop this practice, gradually slow down your breathing. If you begin to get lightheaded, stop and return to your normal breathing.
Since you’ve already started a prayer, consider continuing in prayer: Thank God, being very specific about those things for which you are grateful. Have a conversation with God about what’s going on in your life and your mind -- both the good and the bad (always remembering that conversation is a two-way street); ask for God’s help for others and for yourself, and end by acknowledging and affirming that you believe everything that you just said or thought.
Godspeed as you journey through life.
Ken
