by Rev. Eric Folkerth

Several years back, comedian Marc Maron spoke a throw-away line in the midst of a conversation with author Brene Brown. He was generally agreeing with some greater point she had been making about our culture today. But as all great comedians do, he offered a bit of Bible-style prophecy.

I hope you recall how many times I’ve suggested that our comedians are some of our best prophets in the best sense of what the Bible teaches. (Think: George Carlin and his many brilliant observations about the human animal…which have simply grown more wise and prescient through the years).

Marc Maron made this observation about contemporary Americans:

“Conservatives never apologize, and Liberals never forgive.”

The moment he spoke it, it struck me like a thunderbolt between the eyes. I immediately grasped a kind of intuitive brilliance to this wise —if obviously stereotypical— observation about our culture today.

Now, I am quite aware that Maron’s assertion is the kind of thing that could cause just about everyone out there to shriek, “But, but, but…”

What then often follows is not only a defense of why the objector does or does not do the behavior in question (“never apologize” or “never forgive”), followed quickly by an immediate impassioned treatise on why the “other side” deserves THEIR critique.

Conservatives might dodge the “never apologize” claim by engaging in yet another “whataboutism,” about a time when some Liberal didn’t own up to a mistake. 

“Whatabout Hunter Biden?”

“Whatabout her emails?” 

Liberals might immediately suggest WHY some folks are unforgivable. The best and most tragic example of this was when Hillary Clinton declared Trump followers “deplorable,” and then quickly went on to suggest that some of them were “unforgivable.”

Hillary is a faithful United Methodist, and I have every confidence that privately she understands how she misspoke that day. But both she and many others went on to defend what she said…too often going into great detail about just how and why Trump followers were both of these things.

In my view, “deplorables” was a minor faux pas, compared to deeming them “unforgivable.” And whatever you think of Hillary, I simply invite you to consider how that incident tragically describes how a dynamic Marc Maron was getting that about Liberal folks: A harsh judgmentalism that too often deems some folks beyond redemption.

I tend to believe this is where progressive theology has a voice among progressive culture: To insist that, no…no one is truly, finally “unforgivable.” (Even ourselves.)

Which gets me to a Bible passage in the middle of the Gospel of Matthew (Matthew 18) and a few words about confession, repentance, compassion, and forgiveness….four spiritual disciplines that are in short supply in our world today. Jesus first talks about the *process* of obtaining forgiveness from others:

1. Start one-on-one.

2. If that doesn’t work, bring a few other folks.

3. If that doesn’t work, bring it to the church.

What is powerful about this advice is that it has the potential for truly allowing a person who has done something wrong to see the error of their ways. It also avoids the unhelpful process of “triangling” between a speaker and a third party. And finally, it avoids the possibility of a public “call out” that pushes the accused into a position where they would/could never apologize.

I’ve been deeply inspired by the thoughts of civil rights activist, Loretta Ross and her concept of “calling in” instead of “calling out.” That is not to say that in the case of things such as Police Brutality, #MeToo, or The Insurrection, there is not a place for calling out the bad behavior of the powerful.

But “calling in” very closely resembles the process Jesus describes in Matthew 18.

As Ross explains it, “Calling in” is “calling out, but with grace.”

As I have said many times the past few years, I thank God every day for my women friends, my LGBTQ friends, my Friends of Color, allowing me the grace and space to change the conservative views of my younger days. The grace and space they provided allowed me to repent of my own unacknowledged White Supremacy and Homophobia. I was never *actively* either one as a young man. But over the span of my life, I have deeply come to see how my status as a CIS gendered straight White Man privileges me in ways that call me to use that privilege for the good of others….or as I like to call them, “The tribe of everyone else.”

In no way am I suggesting that everyone else is “responsible” to help White men. But I am very confident —bordering on bedrock spiritual certainty— that without space, grace, and time, true repentance can’t ever happen. What *does* tend to happen is White men feeling backed into a corner, like some dangerously caged animal, even more unwilling to ever “apologize.” 

Such change is perhaps almost impossible in our culture today, given the balkanized and tribal status of “Team Red” and “Team Blue.” We all tend to defend our tribes and justify our positions.

Change is HARD…bordering on impossible…in such an environment. But especially for those of us who pay close attention to the teachings of Jesus, we are called to try and create just this kind of grace and space.

Upon hearing about this process for confronting someone who has caused harm, Peter wants to know “OK…but what’s the limit?” How often, how many times, can/must we forgive?”

Peter is the student, asking the teacher “What do I need to know to pass the test?”

Jesus’ answer is: Our forgiveness must border limitlessness and numerically approach infinity.

To illustrate this, Jesus tells a parable about two slaves and a master. The two slaves are clearly intended to be two different attitudes toward following Jesus. The “master” is clearly meant to signify God.

Slave A owes a ridiculous debt to his master. I mean, an *astronomical* sum of money. Some Biblical scholars suggest it could be as much as $141,000,000 in 2022 dollars. It’s meant to signify almost an infinitely large number, just as “70x7” is supposed to as well.

The point is: YOU ARE MEANT TO BELIEVE THIS IS AN INSURMOUNTABLE DEBT TO OVERCOME.

But Slave A begs mercy from his master, and the master responds with my favorite Biblical word/value: “Compassion.”

Jesus says it this way: “The master had compassion on that servant, released him, and forgave the loan.”

Did you catch that? FORGAVE a debt that is supposed to be so large as to be unforgivable. This kind of forgiveness can only come from a kind of remarkable embodiment of COMPASSION by the master. (Meant to signify, please do not miss, the remarkable compassion God has for all of us!)

But just then, this very same Slave A walks about onto the street and bumps into Slave B…who owes *him* (Slave A) a much smaller debt. And instead of passing along the compassion he had just been shown, Jesus very graphically tells us how Slave A “…grabbed him (Slave B) around the throat and said, ‘Pay me back what you owe me.’”

You are supposed to be horrified by this violence, of course. You are supposed to realize just how tenuous forgiveness and compassion are, how hard they are to embody and pass on to others.

Jesus is showing us what NOT to do and how NOT to behave.

“Don’t be like the unforgiving slave,” Jesus shows us. “Stop asking me about the letter of the law,” Jesus says, “about some technical limit of forgiveness…and instead look to develop your own sense of compassion and forgiveness for yourself and for others. Live as if you will forgive the greatest of debts, because great debts are also forgiven of your faults too.”

But we are not done realizing just how hard this all is. We have to talk about the word “forgive.” In the New Testament, there are TWO words for forgive. The one used throughout this passage is “Aphiēmi.” A most literal translation of it is: 

“…to release…to let go…to leave behind…to let it be…to give up.”

It’s absolutely connected to a financial sense of forgiving a debt. It’s the same word in the Lord’s Prayer, when Jesus teaches us to pray:

“Aphiēmi our trespasses (debts), as we Aphiēmi those who trespass (have debts) against us.”

In fact, this parable of the two Slaves is perhaps the best explanation of that line of the Lord’s Prayer. It shows just how HARD this all is.

In the culture, and even in many places within the church, we say “Forgive, but don’t forget.” But Jesus is literally saying here “Actually, no, forgive and leave behind…let it go…let it be…”

This is HARD. Very hard.

I tend to believe that change very seldom happens quickly, and is definitely slower than we pretend in the church. We tend to read this parable and assume “OK, so Jesus wants us to have instantaneous change.” But I think that’s a misreading.

True, deep, lasting change tends to be a process. Both forgiving and accepting forgiveness, can take time and space that is deeply uncomfortable and perhaps might even feel unjust.

I believe this is why Jesus puts that line in the prayer we are called to pray every day: “Forgive us(Aphiēmi) our trespasses (debts), as we forgive (Aphiēmi) those who trespass (have debts) against us.”

Jesus wants us to pray this each day because he fully understands how hard it is to live this way all the time. 

Slave A shows us, horrifically, the cost of not living from a compassionate and forgiving place. To fail to acknowledge all he has been given and be so judgmental…How hard and bitter his heart must be…

None of this is easy.

We are wading into powerfully deep spiritual waters here.

We can immediately shriek, “Modern Evangelical Christians are the WORST at being unforgiving and unapologetic.”

And we would be right, but it wouldn’t matter in terms of how Jesus is pushing US to live. This passage isn't about others and how they should behave, and Jesus isn’t interested here in helping us be good cultural critics of the behavior of others.

Jesus is pushing each of US as to how WE will behave….how we will act.

— Can we allow space and grace for those who have wronged themselves, others or society to hear of their faults and flaws?

— Can we do this in a private space that doesn’t back them into a corner where they behave as a caged animal?

— Can we accept the power and grace of laying down great debts, and what it will do to heal US as well?

I don’t know if we can. Certainly not always, and certainly not often.

I definitely know that I, and all of us, fail at this far more than we succeed.

But I also know that nobody is unforgivable.

Including you.

Including me. 

Including that person who has most harmed you.

And I know that the road to true change starts with the space and grace for true speaking, listening, hearing, understanding…and finally compassion and forgiveness.

This is the tough stuff we are called to live out with our hands and feet every day.