by Rev. Eric Folkerth

I’m emerging from the whirlwind of my mother’s death to write you this note for this week’s newsletter. It is mostly an effort to express my sincere gratitude to you during this time and to share with you some of our journey.

Mom’s death and final months were apparently pain-free and her passing was very peaceful, surrounded by her loved ones and the prayers of the community.

We knew my mother was experiencing “memory issues” that were clearly quite severe back in mid-February.

In fact, after our outdoor Ash Wednesday service —where we remind ourselves “you are dust, and to dust you shall return” — I lingered for hours in Roberts Forest.

Instead of putting out the fire in our church’s fire pit, I simply allowed the embers to take their course, prayed to God, and wrote a song for my mother. (As all of us know, Roberts Forest is a place of great peace and comfort).

My prayers that night were simple: that if Mom’s memory issues were severe and irreversible, she be allowed a quick and pain-free death. But I also prayed Jesus’ Gethsemane Prayer: “Not my will, but yours be done.”

Days later, Mom had scans that revealed the softball-sized mass in her abdomen and we had a diagnoses of 4-6 months. She entered hospice and she died almost exactly four months to the day she entered hospice. She was not in cancer-related pain throughout her final months….a fact that continues to astound her medical staff, caregivers, and family. And her passing was peaceful, surrounded with family.

I will take the liberty of sharing more about my mother’s attitude toward both life and death with you in next week’s newsletter. Because Mom long ago taught me some very profound lessons about both that shape my own ministry and deepest values.

(OK, I’ll give you one big hint now: she lived making sure there was nothing left unsaid or unresolved…making the goodbyes less regretful, even as they were sad.)

For today, I am not foolish enough to say “God answered my prayers.” Death is a mystery, always. We mostly don’t get a choice for how it actually comes. But in my own heart of hearts I —and our entire family— are grateful for a relatively painless and quick passing for my mother. And I have personally felt God’s presence throughout.

As I have told grieving families for years, “Sometimes there is such a thing as a good death.”

That advice comes back to me today. My mother’s death was one. And, at this hour, we are taking simple comfort in that.

I’m writing all this in the event you have questions.

As you’ll no doubt see elsewhere in this newsletter, Mom’s service will take place at Northaven UMC. I am slightly regretful that we’re not having the service at KPUMC, simply because I know well your ability to minister compassionately to families in their time of need.

But Mom remained a member of Northaven until her passing. And the pandemic really prevented her from getting to know you all as well as she did her friends at Northaven.

In fact, it’s one of my *own* pandemic regrets: Had this been a “normal” past few years, you would have had the chance to know her better, and I’m absolutely certain you would have loved her.

As I’ve been telling folks this week: there is no question that the most popular member of the Folkerth family at Northaven was Pat Folkerth. (I am really not joking…)

I’m very grateful to Jonathan for arranging our choir’s joint performance with Northaven’s at the service. That deeply warms my heart. While I’ll say some words of eulogy for my mother as a son, Revs Ann Willet and Blair Thompson-White —Mom’s two most recent personal pastors—will preside.

I look forward to being with you for worship this coming Sunday. I actually NEED to be with folks for a while…away from the ever-present details. And it will be a joy to see your faces.

Now…my final thanks to YOU.

Thank you for the kind cards, PMs, and offers of food. Thanks to Ken and Kay for filling in on last Sunday (I’ll ask them to do it again on August 14th…)

You all are such a kind and compassionate community…to me and my family…to Pastor Kay and her’s.

What a mess that we’ve both lost parents in the past two weeks! As my mother said of her diagnosis “It is what it is…”

Pastor Kay and I have both commented several times how grateful we are to be serving a community filled with such compassionate grace.

We are experiencing Jesus’ love and grace through you. And while we are deeply sad, we are grateful to you all in this time too.

Grace and Peace,

Eric Folkerth