Unanswered Questions

I used to think that part of the responsibility of a pastor was to answer people’s deepest questions about life and God and death. That’s why seminary was essential; that’s the place where we learn all the answers, right? And if seminary didn’t give us everything we needed, then we’d figure the rest out with good ol’ experience.

After twenty years of pastoring, however, I’m still struggling with those questions. I’m less sure about my answers now than when I started.

This has nothing to do with a crisis of faith; no, I am confident in my relationship with God, but the shape and form of that God keeps changing. Every time I think I have got God sorted out, God slips out from under my theology. I have to wrestle all over again with basic concepts like providence, sovereignty, and free will.

It’s also been difficult to get a handle on the death and afterlife matters. After so many funerals and unexpected deaths, I still have lots of questions myself. What really happens after the moment the body shuts down? Is there really such a place as heaven, or is it more a kind of third dimension?

Again, I have a confidence, a trust that God will be with me throughout the process of dying, including afterwards, but it sure would be nice to have some clarity.

Complicating all these matters is the fact that I don’t have confidence anymore in the basic institutions that I once did, first and foremost of which, is the church itself. We United Methodists seem destined to divide ourselves, just as Christians of other stripes have done.

And then there’s the “so-called Christians” in our country who promote heretical ideas and support white supremacy and corrupt political leaders. At times, I wonder if we share the same religion. Do we really know the same Jesus?

If I’m honest, I will admit that I have unanswered questions as the pastor of Kessler Park UMC. What are we to do about our youth program? What should our long-term vision be? How do we extend our ministry to the thousands of people moving into our community? What should we be doing differently?

Every day, I wake up with these questions on my mind, and sometimes I feel pressure to come up with a quick answer.

However, I have learned something in these twenty years of pastoral ministry. And one of the most important things is this: I don’t have to know all the answers. In fact, if I thought I did, that would be a very bad thing.

But that’s not what being a pastor is all about. And it’s not what being a Christian is about either.
We are really only supposed to follow Jesus. Following is a completely different kind of thing than knowing. Jesus rarely explained things to his disciples; he simply beckoned them forward, and they moved. Sometimes they would learn the answer to a question in the action of following; other times, they never did learn anything. I think that, most of the time, we end up learning that the questions we thought were so important, are irrelevant.

In the end, that’s the best I can do as a pastor. I just want to keep following Jesus on down the road of life. He’s led me to some fascinating places so far, and I have the feeling that the best is yet to come.

Other U2 Songs You Should Know

On Sunday, I had the joy of talking about my favorite song of all time, U2’s 1987 hit, “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For,” and how it relates to I John 3:2. But it’s certainly not the only song by the band that touches upon faith matters. In fact, here’s a (too) short list of some other U2 songs that are worth listening to and reflecting upon:

“Gloria”: U2’s second album, “October,” released in 1981, is the band’s most overt evangelical Christian album. The biggest hit on the album was “Gloria,” which is not about a woman named Gloria, but rather a song of praise in Latin. In the chorus, Bono sings, “Gloria / In te domine / Gloria / Exultate / Oh, Lord, if I had anything, anything at all / I’d give it to you.”

“40”: The last song on the 1983 album, “War,” is simply Psalm 40 put to music, with the haunting refrain,“How long to sing this song?” This song became the tune that U2 closed most of its concerts with for many years, typically by leaving the stage one at a time until only drummer Larry Mullen, Jr. was left, keeping the rhythm. On the live album, “Under a Blood Red Sky,” when Mullen departs, the crowd continues to sing the plaintive refrain until finally fading to silence.

“Drowning Man”: Also appearing on the album, “War,” this song sounds like something the Psalmist would have written. If I were drowning in the ocean, these are the words and tune I’d want to have in my ears: “Hold on, and hold on tightly / Rise up, rise up with wings like eagles / You run, you run / You run and not grow weary.”

“Grace”: This beautiful song is found on 2000’s comeback album, “All That You Can’t Leave Behind.” These lines are priceless: “What once was hurt / What once was friction / What left a mark / No longer stings / Because Grace makes beauty / Out of ugly things.”

“Yahweh”: On 2004’s “How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb,” this closing song acts as a kind of one-word answer to the question posed by the album title. It’s also a prayer to Yahweh (the Hebrew name for God), who is asked to “Take this soul / Stranded in some skin and bones … And make it sing.”

“13 (There Is a Light)”: Last December, U2 released “Songs of Experience,” a kind of companion album to “Songs of Innocence,” which came out in 2014. The band meant to release this album earlier, but Bono had a serious motorcycle accident, as well as another separate health scare. These two events put him in a melancholy mood, reexamining his mortality and relationship with God. He wrote brand-new songs for the album, and the result is a  God-drenched collection of songs. The last song is “13” (literally the 13th track on the album), and contains a hard-earned hope and trust: “There is a light you can’t always see / If there is a world we can’t always be / If there is a dark that we shouldn’t doubt / And there is a light don’t let it go out.” Light is a major theme on the album, and Bono sounds like John the Gospel-writer as he urges the listener to believe that the light will not be overcome by the darkness: “I know the world is dumb / But you don’t have to be / I’ve got a question for the child in you before it leaves / Are you tough enough to be kind?  Do you know your heart has it’s own mind? / Darkness gathers around the light / Hold on, hold on.”

Truth be told, every single one of U2’s songs are informed by a deep, questioning, challenging faith. In case you’re interested in exploring some of these songs, I’ve put together an Apple playlist here.