Unanswered Questions

I used to think that part of the responsibility of a pastor was to answer people’s deepest questions about life and God and death. That’s why seminary was essential; that’s the place where we learn all the answers, right? And if seminary didn’t give us everything we needed, then we’d figure the rest out with good ol’ experience.

After twenty years of pastoring, however, I’m still struggling with those questions. I’m less sure about my answers now than when I started.

This has nothing to do with a crisis of faith; no, I am confident in my relationship with God, but the shape and form of that God keeps changing. Every time I think I have got God sorted out, God slips out from under my theology. I have to wrestle all over again with basic concepts like providence, sovereignty, and free will.

It’s also been difficult to get a handle on the death and afterlife matters. After so many funerals and unexpected deaths, I still have lots of questions myself. What really happens after the moment the body shuts down? Is there really such a place as heaven, or is it more a kind of third dimension?

Again, I have a confidence, a trust that God will be with me throughout the process of dying, including afterwards, but it sure would be nice to have some clarity.

Complicating all these matters is the fact that I don’t have confidence anymore in the basic institutions that I once did, first and foremost of which, is the church itself. We United Methodists seem destined to divide ourselves, just as Christians of other stripes have done.

And then there’s the “so-called Christians” in our country who promote heretical ideas and support white supremacy and corrupt political leaders. At times, I wonder if we share the same religion. Do we really know the same Jesus?

If I’m honest, I will admit that I have unanswered questions as the pastor of Kessler Park UMC. What are we to do about our youth program? What should our long-term vision be? How do we extend our ministry to the thousands of people moving into our community? What should we be doing differently?

Every day, I wake up with these questions on my mind, and sometimes I feel pressure to come up with a quick answer.

However, I have learned something in these twenty years of pastoral ministry. And one of the most important things is this: I don’t have to know all the answers. In fact, if I thought I did, that would be a very bad thing.

But that’s not what being a pastor is all about. And it’s not what being a Christian is about either.
We are really only supposed to follow Jesus. Following is a completely different kind of thing than knowing. Jesus rarely explained things to his disciples; he simply beckoned them forward, and they moved. Sometimes they would learn the answer to a question in the action of following; other times, they never did learn anything. I think that, most of the time, we end up learning that the questions we thought were so important, are irrelevant.

In the end, that’s the best I can do as a pastor. I just want to keep following Jesus on down the road of life. He’s led me to some fascinating places so far, and I have the feeling that the best is yet to come.

Heaven's Front Porch: A One-Act Play

SETTING: The Front Porch of heaven, with a long row of rocking chairs, stretching off into forever. 

ST. PETER and MIKE LOTT enter stage-right.

ST. PETER: As I was saying, Mike, we have the perfect spot reserved for you — right here!

MIKE: Great, this looks a lot like my porch back home. Except where’s the bird feeders?

ST. PETER: Argh! I told the landscape crew to get them in place before you got here!

MIKE: Alright, well, one more question — am I allowed to chew on cigars here? I mean, I’m not going to light it up. 

ST. PETER: I’ll have to check the new front porch regulations. 

MIKE: Regulations? I didn’t think you let politicians in up here.

Loud knocking sound

ST. PETER: I’ve got to get the front gate. Make yourself at home. (departs stage-left)

MIKE sits in his rocker, smiles and stretches his arms above his head, as BILL BRYAN and CHRIS CLIMER enter stage-right.

BILL B.: Looky who finally arrived! Sure is good to see another friend from the ‘hood. 

CHRIS: How are things in Kessler Park?

MIKE: Come on and have a seat. I’ll catch y’all up. I have to say this is the best front porch view I’ve ever had.

CHRIS: (sitting) I spend most of my days here, enjoying the view. But we’ve also had some interesting new residents lately. I spent all day watching Jerry Lewis and Don Rickles trade insults.

BILL B.: (sitting) Tell me a story about Kessler Park United Methodist Church …

MIKE: Well, as you know, I always considered myself a Baptist first, but …

BILL MILSAP enters stage-right

BILL M.: Here’s some familiar faces.

ALL: BILL!

MIKE: Have a seat, Bill. You’re at heaven’s front porch now. You have nowhere to be and all the time in the world. I didn’t expect to see you so soon.

BILL M.: Neither did I. But that damn cancer is … (shaking head).

BILL B.: Tell me about it …

A few seconds of quiet go by

MIKE: I hate to ask this, but when do you get used to it?

CHRIS: Get used to what?

MIKE: Being here. Missing the wife. Being separated from everything and everyone you knew.

BILL B.: You’ll never get over missing them, but you will learn quickly to leave them in God’s hands. That’s actually the great thing about being here. You’ll no longer doubt God’s presence and influence in their lives. You’ll gradually get more and more comfortable with the idea that all will be well. 

CHRIS: There is no sadness either. You find that you’re actually quite at peace with being here, and that they will join you soon enough. 

BILL B.: And there’s plenty of time to just sit and shoot the breeze. 

CHRIS: So what’s happening with the Cowboys? 

MIKE: Now that will make you sad. Losing Zeke has made things a lot more difficult —

RUTH ZACCARELLO enters stage-right

RUTH: The last thing I want to talk about in heaven is the Dallas Cowboys.

ALL: RUTH!!

MIKE: Have a seat, RUTH! We’re just sitting here, catching up on Oak Cliff.

RUTH: (sitting) That sounds good to me. Great view you got here.

MIKE: I love it. Except I miss the birds. Back home, I had several feeders in my front yard, and kept them full of seed. This place could use a little landscape work.

BILL M.: I’m on it. I’ve got some ideas that I can run by ST. PETER.

BILL B.: Wait until tomorrow. We’ve got lots of time for that. So MIKE, how are things at The Kessler School? I heard you were working there …

Conversation continues, as the voices gradually fade into eternity

Goin' to the Chapel

KPUMC is currently undergoing an internal conversation about what to do about the chapel.

Wait … did you even know that we have a chapel?

On the second floor of the education building, down the hall from the choir room and sanctuary entrance, is a large room with twelve pews and a stage with an altar and lectern. An upright piano sits in the corner next to the stage.

In times past, this chapel has served as a place for (very) small weddings and funerals, as well as occasional special worship services, like Blue Christmas or Ash Wednesday. But these days, the only ones using the space consistently are The Kessler School students, who use the chapel to gather in the morning before class.

To be honest, the chapel is not currently in very good shape. The pews are uncomfortable, and beginning to get a little wobbly. The chandelier lights are the same as we used to have in the old fellowship hall, and just as unattractive. It’s not a very sacred space at the moment.

It’s time to address this space, and ask the important theological question, “What does God want us to do in this place?”

In my opinion, there are three other questions to answer first before we can discern the way forward. Let’s spend a little time reflecting on these.

We should begin by asking the question, “How can we love our neighbors better with this space?” Last Sunday, I preached about our neighbors, and I pointed out that, though we understand that everyone could be defined as our “neighbor,” we certainly have to begin by loving the neighbors who live closest to us. So it doesn’t hurt to ask how our chapel space could best benefit the people in our neighborhood. Is there a service or program that we could be offering in that space which we currently aren’t offering? Is there a need that exists in the community which we could meet by using the chapel differently?

A second helpful question to ask is, “What could happen here, in this space, that couldn’t happen elsewhere?” This question helps us identify what is unique about a particular space, in order to take advantage of its particular qualities. For example, one helpful feature of our chapel space is that it is on the same floor as the sanctuary. Members of staff have been musing about the possibility of turning the chapel into a Sunday morning welcome and fellowship space, where people could more easily mingle, converse, and have coffee. Some staff have also pointed out that it might be helpful to have a nursery on the same level as the sanctuary; thus, the idea of converting the space into a new nursery has also been broached.

Perhaps most importantly, however, I recommend we also ask the third question: “How can this space be used to be a catalyst for creative change in north Oak Cliff?” This question emerged from our Holy Conversations process three years ago, and I find it extremely helpful as we pray and plan for the church’s future. I would encourage us to be creative when we think about this space and its potential. This requires outside-the-box thinking. Could we turn it into a TV studio, where services are regularly broadcast or streamed live? Or a goat yoga studio? Or a coffee shop?

Yes, these are crazy ideas … or are they? The point is to spend some time dreaming about what God might be up to in our midst. Why not dream a little, throw some oddball ideas out there? You never know what might stick and catch hold of our imagination.

The world is in need of some shalom right now, and we’ve got a big empty space where we might be able to make it happen. The only thing we’ve got to figure out is what and how.

Come, dream with us, and let your imagination loose.